Way off topic…

This weekend, the Husband and I drove out to Connecticut for our friend’s wedding. It was a beautiful handfasting ceremony and the first handfasting I had the pleasure of attending. The bulk of the ceremony was the officiant asking both the bride and the groom questions. Each question followed a basic pattern. She (the officiant) would as if the bride would cause pain (or something similar) for her husband. The bride would answer answer with a probably, yes, I might, or something else in the affermative. Then the officiant asked if the bride intended to cause her husband pain. The bride answered no. Then the husband would be asked the question and on down a list of things we do to each other in marriage.

It was so facinating and beautiful and completely relevant to how we are as humans. We often don’t intend to cause harm in what we do or what we say to people, but we cause pain by saying the wrong thing or not realizing we say the wrong thing. I think it’s the responsiblity of each person in a relationship of any kind to mention that hurt was caused otherwise, it kills the relationship.

I am guilty of both aspects. I often stick my foot in my mouth and I never say when someone says something to me that really and truly hurts. I have lost friendships because I didn’t say that I was in pain and let the anger fester and burn only to finally walk away from the ruins of a close sisterhood. I know this is happening with another friendship over something so stupid and…stupid. I think it’s time I spoke up.

This was not what I was intended to write about to today, but it seems it wanted to come out. Give someone you love a hug and tell them how you feel, honestly and deeply. And then go off and knit something fun!


One thought on “Way off topic…

  1. Part of what I like about the handfasting tradition (my husband and I were handfasted in 1998) is that the ceremonies are usually deeply personalized by the couple, and often include a consideration of the difficulties and challenges of relationships.

    There are a few phrases from our handfasting rite which are to this day almost daily mantras in getting through troubles big and little – “Storms will come, but they will also pass.” and “I will respect you, your people and your ways as I respect my own.”

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